Sam's
March 25-- The weather guessers promised sunny skies with temperatures in the mid 60's today! But, it's cloudy and cold.
It's supposed to rain for the next 4 days--there's a big surprise. To prepare for this week's flood, I decided to go up to the Sam's Club and stock up on bunch of junk that will probably rot in my refrigerator when the power goes out during the storms.
I like most things about Sam's. You have to like a place where you can buy a giant 8 pound jar of olives and new set of snow tires in one location. What I don't like about Sam's are all of the food sample tables. Not that I have anything against the samples themselves. I'm sure that the cheese filled, bacon wrapped meatballs are great. No, it's the hordes of people who are literally killing each other trying to get their hands on a pill cup filled with Jimmy Dean sausage dip.
Most of these people tend to come in two varieties-- "elderly" or "sperm whales driving electric shopping carts."
I was loading a 2 gallon tub of pasta sauce into my cart, which was the smallest size available, when behind me I heard, "EXCUSE me!"
I turned around, and in front of me was what looked like a 50 year old Sumo wrestler drag queen squeezed into an electric shopping scooter.
"You're BLOCKING my path to the little smokies topped bagel pizza samples," she snorted.
I stared at her closely. I think it made her nervous, but I couldn't really tell because her eyes were smothered in the layers of fat falling off of her forehead.
Her legs didn't seem to be broken. She just seemed to be a very large mammal the size of Kansas, whose only exercise was probably waddling to the fridge to get another moon pie.
As I moved out of the way, she crashed into the samples like a milk cow riding a freight train. The elderly man with his pants pulled up to his chest probably never knew what hit him.
As I stood in the line at the exit door waiting for the confused Sam's man to color my receipt with his marker, I was really hoping that our power would stay on during the storms. I didn't want to come back to Sam's for a while. But if I do, I'm bringing a big fat elderly person that I can ride shotgun with on an electric shopping cart.
I hope you survive Another Day In The Gray.
E-Mail Todd
Get Your St. Louis Weather Sucks T-Shirts HERE!!
It's supposed to rain for the next 4 days--there's a big surprise. To prepare for this week's flood, I decided to go up to the Sam's Club and stock up on bunch of junk that will probably rot in my refrigerator when the power goes out during the storms.
I like most things about Sam's. You have to like a place where you can buy a giant 8 pound jar of olives and new set of snow tires in one location. What I don't like about Sam's are all of the food sample tables. Not that I have anything against the samples themselves. I'm sure that the cheese filled, bacon wrapped meatballs are great. No, it's the hordes of people who are literally killing each other trying to get their hands on a pill cup filled with Jimmy Dean sausage dip.
Most of these people tend to come in two varieties-- "elderly" or "sperm whales driving electric shopping carts."
I was loading a 2 gallon tub of pasta sauce into my cart, which was the smallest size available, when behind me I heard, "EXCUSE me!"
I turned around, and in front of me was what looked like a 50 year old Sumo wrestler drag queen squeezed into an electric shopping scooter.
"You're BLOCKING my path to the little smokies topped bagel pizza samples," she snorted.
I stared at her closely. I think it made her nervous, but I couldn't really tell because her eyes were smothered in the layers of fat falling off of her forehead.
Her legs didn't seem to be broken. She just seemed to be a very large mammal the size of Kansas, whose only exercise was probably waddling to the fridge to get another moon pie.
As I moved out of the way, she crashed into the samples like a milk cow riding a freight train. The elderly man with his pants pulled up to his chest probably never knew what hit him.
As I stood in the line at the exit door waiting for the confused Sam's man to color my receipt with his marker, I was really hoping that our power would stay on during the storms. I didn't want to come back to Sam's for a while. But if I do, I'm bringing a big fat elderly person that I can ride shotgun with on an electric shopping cart.
I hope you survive Another Day In The Gray.
E-Mail Todd
Get Your St. Louis Weather Sucks T-Shirts HERE!!
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